If one person is delighted and the other person is unhappy, then that's a good sign that you're doing it wrong.” “So if everybody is just a little bit unhappy, that's a good sign that you're doing it right. “If you’re doing it right, you wind up with one person feeling just a little bit stretched and pushed, but within their tolerance, and one person who's feeling a little bit constrained, but within their tolerance. “There's nearly always going to be one partner who is more adventurous about outside relationships and one who is less so,” she says. Janet Hardy, co-author of The Ethical Slut and author of 13 books on non-monogamy, told me how healthily opening a monogamous relationship might look. But opening up a closed relationship requires a series of painful conversations followed by cautious baby steps, and it can take years to get it right. It’s less alarming to hear about your partner hooking up with other people, if that’s the way it’s always been. Opening up a relationship VS starting one openįrom my experience, it’s easier to begin as a non-monogamous relationship than it is to open up a monogamous relationship. But what exactly does a non-monogamous relationship entail? There’s a common belief that they revolve around orgies and group sex (they do for me, because I’m a slut) but it’s just as much about shared calendars, time management and getting more comfortable with having difficult and honest conversations. And while one of the UK’s largest family law firms reported a 95 percent rise in divorce enquiries last year, sex-positive dating apps like Feeld have also soared in popularity. But what if your idea of domestic bliss involves toggling between getting railed by strangers and then going home to snuggle with your primary partner?Īlternative relationship styles have always been around, but interest in them has increased rapidly since the pandemic. We’ve been socialised into believing that this is the gold standard of relationships: If you really love someone, then you wouldn’t fancy someone else. Serial monogamy (AKA having one exclusive partner at a time) is how most relationships are depicted in films, TV shows and books, and it’s the reason your gran relentlessly asks if you’ve “settled down yet”.
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